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2005-01-07 - Death Valley 2004

Every December for the past three years I have gone on vacation to Death Valley National Park. People usually think it's a pretty strange place to go for vacation, but it actually makes a lot of sense to go there.

I work at a church that is comprised of mostly college students. By mid-December the students are finshing up exams and going back home, leaving the campus relatively sparse. There's a solid week before Christmas is really near, so it's a great time to take a vacation. But where to go? I really like getting out in nature, but so many places are super cold that time of year. The weather in Death Valley in the middle of December is usually in the upper 60's during the day (which is great) and in the upper 30's at night (kinda chilly, but not too bad).

And the other thing is that it's a very interesting place to explore. At risk of sounding like a commercial for Death Valley, it's surprisingly large and full of variety. You can hike in a canyon, explore sand dunes, find a creek in the valley and see a species of fish that aren't found anywhere else in the world, stand in the lowest spot on the western hemisphere, and see waterfalls that flow in the middle of the desert. Death Valley also has one of the lowest levels of light pollution around, so at night you see lots and lots of stars.

Yeah, this definitely sounds like a commercial, but you should really check it out sometime. Just don't go in the summertime! The air temperature can get up to 130 degrees Fahrenheit. I heard a guide say that one summer a guy stuck a meat thermometer in the ground in some representative section of the valley floor and got a reading of 200 degrees.

Anyway, I went there again this year with some friends. Here are some pictures from the trip:

This one is sunset at the dunes near Stovepipe Wells.

Here's one from Darwin Falls (our favorite place to visit!).

This is near Father Crowley Point...the sky looked pretty cool.

This was our final sunset in Death Valley (at the mouth of Natural Bridge Canyon).

Last year when we went we had rented a Jeep Grand Cherokee, which allowed us to take some of the roads you can't use in a normal car. So we had decided to take advantage of that and checked out a lot of different, more remote places in the park. This time we had a minivan and took it easy. We only went to one spot per day and spent a lot of time there. Typically, we would explore the area together a bit and then split up to get some solitude.

I really like getting by myself in Death Valley, and in general I suppose. We all brought CD players, headphones, and Bibles so we could seek God during these times alone. One of the main purposes for our trip to Death Valley was to connect with God through His creation, through prayer, through reading the Bible, and through each other. Getting time alone is when I usually experience God. But I was surprised, given the fact that I like solitude a lot, that God seemed to speak to me most during this trip through my times with my friends.

The Bible says that followers of Christ are the Body of Christ. We each play a role in what God is doing in the world and we are to be building into one another. My friends and I had some good conversations, especially at the tail end of the trip, that helped me deal with my recent discovery of my inadequacies in my relationships in general. Another conversation led to a change in the way I approach relationships with women.

I suppose I could write about where we camped, which places we visited, meeting some distant relatives (which was VERY cool, by the way), or our experience trying to find our favorite mexican restaurant in Las Vegas. But what seemed to mean the most to me (and I want most to remember) was spending time with these friends and with God and the lessons I took from our time out west.

> Lesson Learned (or Remembered) <

I had recently realized that I'm not as good of a friend as I could be. I rarely call my friends to "catch up" or to hang out: basically, I'm not much of an initiator. This causes me to lose touch with people I don't see as often as I used to. I'm not just talking about the obvious result that would occur if you were around someone less in daily life, but a total "out of sight, out of mind" experience...thought I swear I think about them sometimes and I'm frustrated with myself that it doesn't result in more action. In fact, the idea of trying to stay in touch with people seems suffocating and difficult to me.

I have the sense that I should be more proactive in my friendships. I know I can't be super close to everyone I've ever considered a friend, but I can certainly make more of an effort to be interested in their lives and pursue time and connection with those I am close to now. I believe this isn't merely something that would be good for me to do, but is a matter of obedience to God and I want to obey.

Part of the conversation I had with my friends included me asking them if they could think of any parts of the Bible that spoke to this issue. The following are some that were most powerful to me:

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4

"By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." Jesus in John 13:35

What is desired in a man is steadfast love, and a poor man is better than a liar. Proverbs 19:22

Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? Proverbs 20:6

So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our very selves, because you had become very dear to us. 1 Thessalonians 2:8

This is something I hope to grow in, but I know change can be very hard. It might take years to really be different in this area, but I am willing to keep trying and hope that my friends will be patient with me and not let me slip back into old habits.

I mentioned another conversation my friends and I had that resulted in a change in the way I approach my relationships with women. That was an interesting discussion, since both men and women were involved, and got even a little heated sometimes.

I could try to place what I came up with in distinction to the accepted norm in our local church or in Christianity today in general. But I figure convictions that are based on the truth of God and your conscience should be followed whether or not they agree with accepted norms, and they are not more or less "correct" if the accepted norm is different. I guess I'm just saying that this is what I believe and I'm not trying to say everyone else is wrong...for some people the "accepted norm" is the way they should live because they could not do otherwise in good conscience (see Romans 14:22).

What I used to believe was something vague. It was based on the idea that I should be careful...very careful. I shouldn't get too close to women, because that might cause them to like me or me to like them. I had to be careful what I was communicating. If I wasn't ready to seriously pursue someone I shouldn't fool around with getting close with them...I might break their heart. Now that I write it down, it sounds pretty honorable, but kind of creepy. Can't I just hang out with women and be friends? Here's what I feel like God was teaching me:

It all comes down to a verse from 1 Timothy: Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father. Treat younger men like brothers, older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity. (5:1,2)

What I get from this passage is that I can love women like sisters and be openhearted with them...as long as I am doing it with purity. If I'm lusting after them, I need to get out of there. If my motivation is "This girl is really cute, I'm going spend all my time with her," that is bordering on lust/idolatry...but isn't necessarily so. After all, God instituted marriage: I think He's okay with girls and guys liking each other. But let nothing be done with impure motives. If my motivation is "I love her...she is my sister," then I am fine to talk, hug, hang out, whatever.

In a sense it is less restricting, because it throws off arbitrary rules like "Don't get in deep conversations," or "Don't hug." But in another sense it is more restricting. If in a given situation my motivations are impure, I shouldn't even talk to a girl. But I like that this approach is based on a verse and that it has to do with the heart and not making a bunch of legalistic rules.

That's pretty much it. So what do I think of the old way? "I might break her heart," means much less to me if I know that in everything I do I will be acting in purity: not with the intention of communicating a romantic interest (unless I decide to pursue a woman, letting her know plainly what my intentions are), but rather acting in sincere brotherly love. I hope they'll trust that my motives are pure and that the struggle will be between me, God, and my friends to make sure I really am acting in purity. And if they start to like me (even if that's not my goal) and end up getting their heart broken, then that struggle would be between them, God, and their friends.

I'd rather be free to love in purity and risk difficulty (for myself and for others) than to live as a slave to man-made rules, established out of fear, that hinder me from communicating my sincere love for my friends who are women.

Jesus said, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." I want to display that love, and I hope I can display it in all purity.

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